But am I doing it anyway? Damn skippy.
I’m BAAAAACK!! To be straight up, I just lost all motivation for this blog – assuming I ever really had motivation to begin with. I think that after my miscarriage in January, I was just looking for something to keep my mind off of it and my head above the water. I wanted something new and exciting… promising. I wanted to be someone entirely new and different – not Sharonda who suddenly and unexpectedly miscarried at 17 weeks pregnant, went back to work a week later and kept it moving like nothing had ever happened. Something had happened. Something BIG. UGLY. DEVASTATING. And I wanted to cover it up. Forget it. Banish it. Scrap that shit and start over again with my husband, my daughter and a new career that I loved – like it never happened. I thought I could just not deal with it and go on to the next. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I mean, everyone would say “You still have Munkin (my 2 year old)” , which is pretty much saying “Yea, it’s sad but at least you have another child, some women don’t. Get over it.” Am I right? No? Those two remarks don’t sound the same to y’all? Ok.
Well, I obviously succeeded in bullshitting myself for and this blog for about 1 week back in March – possibly less. Check the blog dates. I’ve silently sulked, cried, grieved, pondered and put a pause on my life over the past few months. But I realize that as I’ve gotten closer to what my due date would have been ( June 29th), I ‘m feeling better. It’s like my mind/subconscious had to get out of the pregnancy, not just my body; but unlike my body, my mind had to go through the remainder of the 9 months. “I should be still be pregnant” has transitioned in to “I could have gone in to labor and had a baby by now” – and its not so bad. I don’t have the urge to cry. I suppose once the 29th approaches or maybe a little while after, I won’t even have those kinds of thought anymore. WAY WEIRD.
Any who, on a positive “getcho life” note, I find myself looking forward to being pregnant and having another child. I’m more eager than ever to move in to a bigger place, map out a career plan, and steady/build our financial situation in preparation for another child. I’m excited about writing/blogging again. I’m excited about fashion and modesty being the perfect couple. I’m absolutely effing giddy about turning this into a career, a business, a life, and using my gifts and passion to inspire others. I’m ready. Here’s to God’s plan & moving forward!